Reality

The cruel wake-up call. The unexpected. The life that was laid out for us to live. The secrets no one cares to confront, the words that could get you killed. The terrorist attacks and unnecessary riots. The innocent prisoners and guilty yet oblivious leaders. The more we watch, the more we listen, the more reality twists into fiction. The more we become a Gotham city than a Nation once known for being free. The more we become what those before us tried to prevent. The more we lean to what they ran away from. The more our reality becomes that monster we all folly over. The more we become our own destruction, because our reality is much more fickle than ever before. Because our reality is embarrassed of what we have become, it can barely even stand to try anymore. Reality, to put it simply, has left us in court, where a trial awaits us. And in this trial we lack an attorney. In this trial we lack what we have always prided ourselves in owning, humanity itself. In this trial we may fail. In this trial we base our defense upon more lies we believe to be true. And so, as we stand trial, perhaps it would do us some good to think rationally. Perhaps it would do us some good to accept that we have finally lost our grip on reality. Perhaps we should all sit tight and prepare, for there is so obviously a war brewing out there. Reality is gone. Reality deserted its post to save itself. And if reality had enough sense to leave, what do we do now?

Our Path

I don’t know what I’m doing, perhaps none of us do. But the thing we all know to be true is that each pf us was born with purpose. Each of us was born to live, each of us had a story, a path that we could’ve chosen. A life we could have lived. Yet, we all chose this one. One on a world where there’s politics and pain truth and dishonesty, shine and rain. Where there is a UK and a USA, where we ran and where we stayed. A place of gossip, of only you. Of sensitivity and sickness. Poverty and wealth. Love and Hate. Peace and War. But we chose it. We were given a choice, follow the book or pave a path. We just paved ours with a wrecking ball. In doing so, some of us found ourselves, we found that perhaps wrecking balls were our things, while the others, we all knew that was wrong, that it was appealing, that it was our forbidden apple tree. Yet, we stayed silent. We sat back and watched. Because we believed their mistakes to not be our own. Because we failed to think together, we failed to be together yet unique, we thought that you could only have one or the other, we believed that that was truth. That that was the only truth. We gave no time for sympathy or hope, no time for benefit of the doubt, no time for I trust you now trust me. I can’t help but think that maybe this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. We keep mixing ourselves up, changing what does not need to be changed, changing what was never our right to. Changing what was given to us as a gift. We keep lying. We keep confusing our new generation. Keep giving them the wrong ideas. Still, a part of me can’t help but conclude that this is who we led ourselves to become, this is who we fail to change, how we fail to change within ourselves. Our path has never been easy, and we still fail to find our purpose, but we cannot continue to fall backwards in this way. We cannot continue to allow our lives to be manhandled, because although we chose this path we can still change the ships course, we can still keep looking for new turns. For better ones, because although we chose this path it was never truly ours. Now it can be. Now we can finally help put ourselves back on track, help each other become who we were meant to be. Now we can get our lives back.

Control… Control? Control.

Control brings chaos and pain, harmony and sympathy. Control weighs us down, almost as if there was a rather large anvil on your chest. Control comes in any shape or form. Control of oneself, of each other, of animals, of science, of space, of our brains, our books, and even of the world. Yet, there is a question to be answered, control, although usually accompanied by retaliation, is necessary? Control, although usually accompanied by loss, is wanted? Us homo-sapiens it seems, actually long for it. Long for no unique thought to pass our brains. We allow politicians and influencers to completely and totally manipulate us into believing that their thoughts were our own. That the deformities our society has created are the definition of unique, of being one- in- a- million. That is the difference. We believe our new world and the things it allows are unique, but the real true men and women of this world were never unique, oh no. They were idiosyncratic. They were intelligent and brave, gracious and had morals. Ethics. They were the true people of tomorrow and never today. They were the type of people who would remind us that the past is history, the future a mystery, and today a gift, called the present. So, change today while we can, they’d whisper. Be idiosyncratic… They’d shout…

FREEDOM.

The right to speak freely,

The right to walk where we want,

The right to protect ourselves as we ought.

These rights form part of our freedom.

They speak the truth with an undeniable presence.

These rights I know we will never overlook.

These rights that have fought for life.

These rights that are vital to ours.

Yet… We chose someone,

Someone so sickened and frail,

To do exactly as we fought to prevent.

We chose someone who will prohibit these rights for an indefinite amount of time.

These rights we claim we fought so hard to protect.

These rights we claim to be our lives.

What have we done with them?

Abuse and mistreat them.

Exclude and deceit them.

And all because we chose the most fallible of all lies,

We chose those most corrupted facts.

The ones we thought could make no aberration.

We chose the guise.

We chose the deception,

The distortion and fraud.

We fell for the sweet, sweet, vilification.

For the simple trick that has ended those before us.

We put too much faith,

In fake teeth and promises.

Too much faith in pondering the unknown.

Too much faith in unknown revelations and intelligible words.

Too much faith in the words we thought were safe.

So, where exactly does our freedom have room to breathe in this world we created?

The truth of the matter is,

That it doesn’t.

Sadly, it can’t breathe.

It can’t survive beneath the veil we live under.

Our freedom is fighting to survive.

To come through and stay in the stitchings of our lives.

Because even freedom knows…

Everyone lies.

Freedom confusingly accepts this and forgives us for it.

But this time we may have pushed too far.

We asked for what we got.

We pushed and pushed,

Until there was nothing left.

And so,

We may have thought we were doing the right thing,

But evidently,

We were wrong.

We did exactly as Denzel Washington warned us not to do.

We fell back,

Not forward.

And so,

When you ask me,

Where our freedom is now,

Think of our actions,

Our thoughts and pastimes,

And ask yourself,

Where is your freedom now?

And then I want you to ask yourself this…

Are you falling forward or back?

“It’s Hard to Wake Up from a Nightmare if You Aren’t Even Asleep.”

They creep up on you, tap into your fears. Take away everything you love. Wake-up! Wake-up you scream, but you can’t. All you see is pain and darkness, darkness you didn’t know existed. You finally wake-up, only to find you are alone. Your heart yearns for some warmth, that abyss was so cold, you need something warm you say again. Who can you call? Years of perfection left out friends, you didn’t have time for such delicacies. Then you realize, you never woke up. You’re still drowning. You made yourself this thing, you were quiet, scared, perfect, feared, ridiculed, put up on a pedestal you never asked for. Maybe I’ll wake up you think, am I awake? Can I wake up? What is real? What is not? How long will this last? Your perfection must have broken because in reply you hear, “As long as you make it, as long as you want it.” Get out of my head you want to scream, but you don’t, there’s something eerily familiar from this voice that comes from inside of you. It can’t be yours you think, but then from where do I know you you ask it. This time it takes longer to reply. Then it says, “I am something in between, I am neither friend, nor enemy, I do not know where I come from, so I don’t know how I know who you are. I can only promise that I tell the truth.” You feel that you need to believe it, and you wonder, why was I so afraid? This nightmare can’t be real you think, because this is too good to be true, then you come to realize, you make the fear, so you can take it away now. Nightmares are just in our heads, we make what we need in that moment. So, nightmares, they aren’t real. Our 21st century minds make them, so maybe we control our minds, and you can finally see what you were too blind to see before. Nightmares are our friends, we need them. They helped you realize that you can’t just hide yourself, they helped shape you. This nightmare has become your friend. Maybe you don’t want to wake up, because for once you actually have someone. They may not be real and you may not be able to see them, but this friend of yours is like a star, you may not always see them, but they’re always there. Finally, you can sleep with the nightmares, because they don’t scare you anymore. Because you both saw that without the other neither of you would be able to exist. So, yeah, it’s hard to wake up from a nightmare if you aren’t asleep, so stop trying to wake up, and start living.

The New Year and How to Survive it

Tenacity is the way you are retentive. Resilience is the way to live. These words have guided us as they guided people who have had to struggle throughout life. They were strong. They probably weren’t brilliant when they began, but as they grew wiser, they were the best of us all. Right now, we are nobodies on our way to becoming somebodies. We are going into this year head-first. And as of right now I can guarantee that none of us are brilliant, or brave, or strong, but now as we dive head-first into this new way of life we will become the best that we can be, we finally will be brave, and brilliant. We will learn that being brave means knowing all the risks and still be willing to take them. And now as I finish this speech, I encourage you all as well as myself, to not only smile, but to remember to laugh! As in the words of Julia Roberts, “Happiness isn’t happiness, unless there’s a violin playing goat.” Thank you, happy new year to all, and I hope there are many violin playing goats in your future. 

This is Me

Firstly, hi world..

It’s been a while.

I am the girl that was so naive she was even beautiful.

I was the girl who wanted to blend in, not out.

I was the girl who accepted the unaccepted truth.

I was rude and callous.

Mean and vicious.

Now I am still all of these things, but I am also more.

I am the girl who fights for what’s right and argues.

I am the girl who reads her comments and wonders how these people enjoy her writing.

I am the girl who is thankful.

I am the girl who tries.

I am the girl that has divorced parents.

I am the girl that grew up.

I learned and I loved.

I haven’t lost yet.

The day I do will be hard, but it was expected.

Because being perfect was never my idea of perfection.

Perfection, it includes loss.

And love.

And honesty.

I am most of these things.

This is a story about me.

For you to see, who it is, you read.

Mother

Thank you for holding me while I cried, thank you for saying it’ll all be alright. Thank you for never telling a lie. Thank you for all of your trust. Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening, thank you for reading. Thank you for making sure I know right from wrong. Thank you for teaching me how to wake up. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for knowing who I am. Thank you for taking all of my drama. Thank you for still believing in me when I couldn’t believe in you. Thank you for forgiving me when I woke up. Thank you for taking me to Tennessee. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being blunt. Thank you for making me strong, thank you for making me learn. Thank you for punishing me, thank you for screaming. Thank you for my life. Thank you for explaining. Thank you for showing me the truth. Thank you for my books. Thank you for my brain. Thank you for my looks. Thank you for my smarts. Thank you for my hair, thank you for my shoes. Thank you for my sisters. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my mom. Thank you for being my best friend. These are the thank you’s I could never forget. These are the thank you’s you deserve. You are my mother and I don’t know how I can ever make up for all you do for me. So take these thank you’s and all the more to come. Thank you for loving me.

There was Once a Little Girl

There was once a little girl, she wasn’t a princess, but she wasn’t a peasant. She was a writer. Some called her crazy, said her ideals meant nothing. She knew that couldn’t stand, she knew she wouldn’t let it. So she stood up from the ground and said it prominently, “I am a writer!” She shout out to all of those who saw her significance in the world.

One day this little girl, was simply little no more. Then another little girl, popped up at her door. Asking for something more, but the girl whom was little no more couldn’t understand, so she said, “I’m sorry”, and shut the door. That obstinate little girl only knocked again, for she wanted a greater grasp of intelligence to fill her head, she wanted to understand what it was like to have the world at your hands.

The little girl whom was little no more couldn’t understand, it had been such a long time since she had wanted that, since she had seen, since she had felt, since she had grieved, since she had had the world at her hands. She then realized why it was beyond her to understand. Why she couldn’t do it justice. Why her brain would fill no more. It was because she had lost all hope.

She made her story seem bleak, made it so sad, but once again she saw what she saw in the past. She saw a place that desired guidance so that is what she gave them, although it was the little girl who knocked on her door that started this, she was never brought in. She did not have the chance of the little girl whom was little no more. So, she stayed a little girl, until suddenly someone knocked at her door.

She sneaked a glimpse out the door and said, “hello?” When no one answered she proposed to get a better look. What she saw was a surprise for there was the little girl whom was little no more. She was there with everyone and up a banner they held saying, ‘Thank You!’ And not, ‘Farewell!’

The little girl was pleasantly surprised. The little girl looked up and said, “What is all of this for?” The girl whom was little no more could only shake her head, smile, and say, “Well done…My friend.” Both girls realized what had to be done, so, they ran and ran until they were alone, and with tears in her eyes the older girl said, “I see what I have done. I am so sorry little one.” The little girl could only smile, so instead she gave her love, in form of a big hug.

They both knew what they together could do, as sisters, as friends, they brought the world anew. And yes, there would be dark, but their light would shine through, would prove to all who was bad, that they wouldn’t stand down. The world would join again. So together they stood as one. All pieces of the whole.

They wrote the truth. Their truth was spread, far and wide, across everywhere, even in the lowest of lows. Because they realized, the truth was not for one it was for everyone. Their writing brought them together, it was what made them admit their mistakes and conquer their dreams, their knowledge was shared. That was the truth they gave, that no matter what you can all have it, you can all see the truth if you truly want it.

Halloween

Dark and scary, costumes here and there. Who is who and where is where? Your sweet tooth is smiling, ear to ear. The moon brings light, what was once so scary is now your help. This is all hallows night so all beware. That fateful night is one of scares. Halloween, as it is known by most, a world of horror some think, but it can be magical, imagine, you get to be something, someone you normally aren’t. Halloween is a tradition that lets people be who they want for one night and one night only. It’s a night of freedom. This night is odd, but it gives you a strange feeling of excitement. It makes you feel exhilarated, this day has a history longer than a world map. Halloween this year will be new. People are refusing to open their doors and see children in their costumes. This isn’t because of hate, it’s because of fear, but fear is supposed to be fake so what are we doing? This Halloween is trying to survive, maybe it will come out to play, but maybe we will have to fight for this tradition. This year has been hectic. Let’s not let Halloween drown with it. It means too much, it has done more than any of us. It has made smiles and laughs and even a couple of screams show up to your face. So, do we really want to lose that this year? Well, happy Halloween, and I hope you go trick-or-treating!